Finding Porn Robots and Scott Lyon

The unthinkable has happened!  Finding Sam Breakstone has been discovered by two of the biggest forces on the internet:  1) robots in a personal services industry; and 2) a person in the robot services industry.


The last post, Finding Charlie's Angels, told the story of how Technorati's marketing department had sold my email address to CBS, along with 30,000 of my closest entertainment blogging friends.


For the first time ever, I got comments!


The first was from a wonderful robot named London Escorts.  It wrote:

Finding Charlie's Angels with some social media marketing for the Breakstone's brand. We will send all submitted posts to ABC to review and potentially be included in a widely-released Technocratic conversational media ad slated to receive over 11 million impressions.

By London escorts on Finding Charlie's Angels at 9:51 AM

This is what my prostitutes look like.
Also, my prostitutes are UNICEF ambassadors.

What I appreciate is exactly how little the robot tried.  Because when sending tens of thousands of these things, why make it even look like English?  Just hope that one in ten bloggers lets it go up without moderation for a day or two - long enough for Google to count the links and up your search ranking.  Maybe, somebody actually clicks the link and decides that the one thing his night was missing was a prostitute with bad teeth who sounds like Eliza Doolittle.  

So, this is how the robot composed the message:  "[Title of the blog post] with some [word 10 through end of sentence].  [Twenty-nine words from some random sentence]."

But here's the interesting part - the robot cares a great deal about spelling.  It auto-corrected and took out things that it thought weren't words.  It changed "Technorati" to "technocratic."  And I ask you, who but a robot would think people were talking about technocracy?  That's like Woody Allen thinking he overheard something anti-Semitic.

The robot also dropped the acronym CMAD, which Technorati thinks means Conversational Media Ad.  I can't tell if the robot didn't think it was a word or if it didn't like the fact that it was in parentheses.  Maybe the sex robot just thought it was redundant.  Robots hate redundancy, sex robots doubly so. 

"And Tom Christie said, 'No, JEW?'
Not 'Did you?'...JEW eat? JEW?"

In any case, if you're in Europe and you absolutely have to spend four thousand dollars in half an hour, please give the wonderful women at London Escorts a call.  Their sex robots are standing by.

The second comment was much more pleasant, if decidedly less busty. 

I spent time in my post talking about the sender of the Technorati email, Scott Lyon.  His position is "Blogger Outreach Manager," which I interpreted as a man who sells Technorati's email lists to marketers.  I also complained that it didn't look like Scott Lyon thought about me much, because of how poorly tailored his email was.

It turns out I was wrong.  Scott Lyon left a comment:

Hey Sam,

Scott here, the offending emailer, from Technorati Media.

My apologies for your receipt of the message about the new tv series and I appreciate your response considering the nature and subjects covered in your blog.  We are working on ways and finding tools to better help us connect bloggers with opportunities (some with compensation, depending on what they are) and "news" that they find relevant. It's big challenge, but we're working on it.

A big part of my position is not marketing for clients, but to also promote blogs, bloggers and blogging. I love all the different POVs and connecting them to opportunities they might be interested in.

Sorry I missed the mark with you and good luck with your blog's mission and content.
Best,

Scott

First of all please allow me to just say, Best. Comment. Ever.  


This comment is just about the smoothest and most professional communication I've ever seen.  I have no idea if it was written by Scott or someone on his team, but whomever they are they completely mastered diplomacy.  We should send him to negotiate with the North Koreans.


Look at what he does:

1. He apologizes.
2. He compliments my blog (assuming "appreciate" is a compliment and not just a synonym for "acknowledge").
3. He wishes me luck.
4. He promises to try to tailor his pitches more carefully.

He made me feel good about Technorati and excited to hear from him again.  As far as marketing his own employer, this is an absolute home run.


Lest we get carried away, here's what Scott didn't do:

1. Deny that he sent me an ad for ABC
2. Deny that part of his job includes selling email lists for money
3. Offer me money.  (He kind of hinted that I don't have the clout.)

He called me Sam.  That's weird.  I haven't exactly hidden my true Jordon Davis identity.  


He also called the act of matching bloggers to his customers, "connecting them with opportunities."  That is some serious corporate-speak right there.


In any case:  Scott Lyon, I accept your apology.  I understand that we live in the real world.  I am glad you are good at your job. 


And I have just a couple questions:

This is Scott.  And I'm not lyon.

What exactly is ABC's deal with Technorati?  What services is Technorati contracted to provide?  Did ABC pay a flat fee, or is there some scale for payment based on your success?  Are there different packages and levels of exposure that marketers can buy from Technorati


It would be absolutely great if you could forward me a copy of Technorati's contract with ABC.  If not that, would you please send your blank form contract?  If you won't, would you please explain exactly who in your company refused the request - legal, VP of sales, etc.?


And if you had time for a quick phone interview about yourself and how you came to your current job, that would be amazing as well.  My only goal is to learn how modern marketing works.  And you are on the cutting edge.


Last, just as a general warning to anyone who might read this.  Please be careful what you write.  If Scott Lyon saw this blog, he's watching the entire internet.

Imagine how many times he's seen David After Dentist.